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Regret & remorse [17 Apr 2006|09:20pm]
I’ve been depressed lately. It’s quickly approaching the anniversary of Pru’s death. I can’t help but hold myself responsible for her death in a round-a-bout way. I was the one who went traipsing around in the attic at the manor. I was the one who opened the book of shadows. I was the one who read the incantation to give us the power of three. If it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t be the charmed ones. We wouldn’t be witches that are targeted and hunted by humans and demons alike. I can only remember when Pru died. I keep blaming myself. What would have actually happened to us if I hadn’t read that stupid spell? I’m full of regret and remorse over this, and I can’t help that. Pru would probably still be alive, and still yelling at me, and still bossing me around like my mother. As much as I used to hate her for that, I miss it. There have been times in the past that Piper, Paige, and I have conjured up the spirits of our Grams and mother. They’ve helped us. It wasn’t long ago in a conversation with Paige in which she suggested we bring back Pru so she could meet her. I had to leave the room. I’m against it. I think I hurt Paige’s feelings. She thinks I want to keep Pru to myself and not let her meet her half sister. Which isn’t the case at all. I’m more scared that Pru will hate me possibly never forgive me for what I’ve done. I’m remember shortly after becoming the charmed ones how angry she was with me for shattering her life. I think she only finally accepted it, because it was what I pushed onto her. I’m not able to tell Paige or Piper the true reason why I’d never bring Pru back, but they won’t leave me alone about it since they can’t bring her back without the power of three. I don’t want to hear how much she can’t stand the sight of me.
Stay a spell?

A confession [30 Mar 2006|08:10pm]
I have a confession to make: I've been having premonitions for over a month now of someone coming back into a friend's life. A very prominant figure from their past. I'm afraid to tell her due to current events and situations. It would greatly effect two people I care about tremendously.

I was in Cordy's coffee shop the other day helping her set up the tables and chairs. As we were leaving I was looking up at the pictures on her wall and saw several of her old friends: Wesley, Gunn, Connor, Buffy, Winifred, Lorne, Ron and her, Xander, Willow, Anya, Tara, Oz, Dawn, Spike, and lastly Angel. When I reached up and touched one of the photos I got a premonition.

Someone new is coming to Scifantisy.
Stay a spell?

Lucky [18 Mar 2006|09:22pm]
I’ve felt like I haven’t had a good luck streak since I’ve become a witch again. I’ve been turned into several demonic beings, and my luck in love, well… sucks. I single-handedly destroyed almost every relationship I’ve been in because the men were never well suited (I married the Source of All Evil once. Catch my drift?). My sister, Pru was killed by the very thing we are protecting others against, and the council stripped me of my powers for a long period of time due to my abuse of them.
Then again, I guess one could say that we Charmed One’s have all the luck. We’ve narrowly escaped from being arrested and indicted for murder on several occasions. We’ve outsmarted the FBI by changing our appearance after they started profiling us. Several investigators could have easily arrested us after the disappearance of demons (people to others) that have turn up missing. I’ve cheated death several times, been brought to life (or healed miraculously) by my guardian angel white-lighter, Leo. I’ve helped protests get recognized for women’s rights by riding down the street buck-naked like Lady Guinevere. I’ve got most of my powers back with the exception of levitation, and lastly I’ve met a nice man, whom I’ve yet to still make heads or tails of.
I suppose I can say I’ve incredibly lucky, I just had no idea until I sat down and had to really think about it. Instead of always focusing on the negative of what’s gone wrong, I can thank my lucky stars that I don’t HAVE it worse.
Stay a spell?

Admiration [05 Mar 2006|09:02pm]
There are a lot of things a girl could admire. I admire my sisters: Paige, Piper, and Prudence. I may not show it all the time, but I admire each of them for their own abilities and the unique personalities they bring to our family. I admire Paige and Piper for sticking with me, even though I’m a wild and rebellious thinker. They give me credit for my ideas, as crazy as some of them may be, and stick behind me. They’ve never left me behind, even when I was the Queen of all Evil.
I admire Prudence (Pru), because she gave her life for her sisters and the Charmed ones. She sacrificed her dreams, her future, and the love of her existence so Piper and I could live. Pru and I didn’t have the greatest of relationships, never would have, but she will always own a place in my heart and my soul.
I admire Piper, because she balances her work with P3, being a mother to Wyatt and Chris, a sister, a wife to Leo, and a witch. All of that, and manages to keep herself out of the loony-bin. She’s my role model. She has what I can only dream of. She’s found the happy medium I can only dream of.
I admire Paige. She has a youthfulness and vitality about her that remains unmatched. She is half white-lighter and half witch. A hard task to manage too, because it’s not easy being in two places at one time. She stays positive, and reminds Piper and I that we need lives outside of demon-slaying and fighting evil. She gives us the swift reality kick we need.
Finally, last but not least, I admire Lex Luthor. I’ve never seen such a perfectly bald, round, smooth, and sexy head before in all my life. Of course, there are other attributes about Lex I admire as well. I think I’ll keep those to myself…
Stay a spell?

Paris [23 Feb 2006|11:16pm]
Stay a spell?

Trust [17 Feb 2006|06:24pm]
I remember in psychology class we had a discussion and lecture about trust. The class came to this conclusion: trust cannot be earned, it has to be given. We came to this conclusion through several scenarios and situations. If anyone defies your trust, it is stripped, and personal experience determines that once someone has done this, trust is very hard to give back. There’ll always be a nagging feeling in the back of our minds, wondering or waiting for the betrayal. I attempted to give my trust back to Cole once he came back from hell. He even began helping my sisters and I vanquish demons, yet it wasn’t enough. The line had already been crossed, and there wasn’t any “sweeping it under the rug”. No matter how hard and how badly I wanted to trust him, I was never able to give it back to him fully. His evil deeds remained burned in my mind.

When it comes to trust, I give it freely the first time around. I’ll give it to anyone worthy of it. Yet, once you defy the trust I’ve given you (regardless of how small) I can’t give it back again. People ask me why I can’t just give somebody the benefit of the doubt. It’s because I already gave the benefit of the doubt the first time around. If I’ve been hurt once, then shame on you. If I’ve been hurt twice, shame on me. Frankly, I don’t want to be hurt twice. I may be strong, but my heart just can’t take it.
Stay a spell?

Responsibility and consequence [05 Feb 2006|01:05am]
Being a witch is all about consequence, because one false move, spell, innocent lost, alters the path set ahead of us. Personal gain is a witch’s worst consequence. If a good witch uses her powers for personal benefit and not for assistance with good endeavors it can cause bad consequences or bad karma. Once this happens, it takes effect until the witch reverses the spell used for personal gain in the first place.

I remember when I was going to marry Cole Turner; I accused my sister Paige of trying to sabotage my wedding. She made me this wonderful herbal mask that I could wear to bed to relax me. Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning with a rash all over my face. I blew up at Paige again; I wanted her to desperately get rid of it. She cast a vanishing spell to send the rash away:

“Let the object of objection become but a dream, as I cause the seen to be unseen.”

Instead of my rash vanishing I turned invisible. Because we played with magic for our own gain, I was nearly forced to cancel my wedding. In a last ditch effort we transferred the invisibility to Paige until it wore off.

I’ve been put in front of the Council before because I was abusing my power of premonition. I was forcing myself to have premonitions of my own future. As corny as it sounds, I was trying to find the love of my life. The council found me guilty, and I was stripped of all my powers. I could only regain them once I gained control of myself, and once again accepted the responsibility of helping innocents.
I screwed up royally, and now I’m paying the price. I feel horrible leaving my sisters in a lurch because of my own actions. Because of my carelessness, I created a snowball effect that endangered everybody involved.
Fortunately, I’ve learned that being a witch and a charmed one has a large responsibility. Misuse of the powers that I’ve been given could mean tragedy for the world. I’ve learned my lesson; in doing so, I’ve gotten my premonitions back, and part of my empathetic powers.

It’s great to be a witch
Stay a spell?

Introductions [21 Jan 2006|07:55am]
I’m not good with introductions, most of the time they come out sounding like a personal ad. My name’s Phoebe Halliwell, but those close to me call me Pheebs for short. I’m a pretty free-spirited individual, and I’m a pretty big romantic. I’m a firm believer in love and always have one eye open waiting for it to happen. I’m the open-minded one of the family, at least more than my sisters care to be. I like new adventures and I’m very curious. I like to think I’m funny, magnetic, and confident, too. As a fair warning, I can be a bit of a smart-ass, a bit sarcastic, a bit careless, and rebellious.
I was the one who found the Book of Shadows, and read the spell giving us the power of three and turning us into the powerful Charmed ones. In the BOS, I discovered that my sisters and I come from a long line of good witches and it’s our destiny to be charmed. Little did I know upon invoking the power that we’d become target for every demon and warlock in the Underworld?
I was once the youngest sister of Halliwells. There was Prue (Pruedence), then Piper, then me. I never got along with Prue, we had our differences, and living together in the manor was sometimes downright torture. I could never match up to the “perfect Prue”. But after becoming charmed, our bond began mending as sisters. Unfortunately and with great sadness, it ended too soon. Prue died fighting Shax, a powerful upper-level demon, while trying to save an innocent. The power of three was then disintegrated by the loss of our sister.
At Prue’s funeral I met Paige Matthews. As I shook her hand I got a premonition of Paige being attacked by Shax. Because of my premonition, I discovered Paige is my younger half sister (product of my mother and her guardian whitelighter) and also has the blood of a Halliwell witch. With her arrival, it replenished the power of three.
I’ve been possessed a total of seven times. Though not all may have been evil, for the most part they have. I was even taken by the Queen of all Evil once. I ruled the Underworld with my demon husband, Belthazor/Cole for a short period of time, but the love I had for my sisters was stronger than any love of a man, so my reign was short lived. I’ve seen many things. I’ve fought and vanquished many things; nothing surprises me anymore. I’m not new to unrelenting pain, in fact I sometimes think we are old friends, being a witch it has become a part of my daily life. If it weren’t for our guardian angel whitelighter, Leo (also married to my sister Piper) I would have been dead several times now. Therefore, I don’t fear death, but I do fear the death of any of my sisters. What can I say; I’m extremely protective of everyone in my family and myself.
I’ve bounced around from several jobs, but after going back to school and getting my degree in psychology, I’m now happily employed as an advice columnist with a local paper. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds I have a Dear Abby-esque column called Ask Phoebe. Then again, Dear Abby has nothin’ on me.
Now, that wasn’t so bad. Sounds more like a bad soap opera, but it’s my past and a part of me.
Stay a spell?

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